personal power

The Midlife Meltdown

Women midlife crisis perimenopause

I’m changing the name from midlife crisis to midlife meltdown because you don’t want a freaking sports car, you want peace. You fear that time is running out, is it too late to go after your dreams? You worry that you should have this whole life thing figured out by now, you look around and it seems like everyone else does… newsflash they are just showing you their highlight reel on social media.

You feel out of control and your emotions are all over the place (hence the name “meltdown” it’s like my toddler, do I want a cookie? A nap? A hug? I don’t know!). If you’re a woman over 35 years old you may be going through perimenopause, the time in a woman’s life before menopause when our periods and hormones are erratic, it can make us feel like we’re going crazy. If we go to the doctor and spill our guts they tell us we’re depressed and to just take this pill and everything will be fine, but it’s our job to take our power back.

How can you feel like yourself again?

Focus on how you want to feel

Start your morning with your intentions for how you want to feel. Mine are “calm, connected and fun” if you google “core desired feelings” you will find lists of words and author, Danielle LaPorte, has a book called “The Desire Map” that goes deeper into this. The idea is to stay connected and aligned with our true selves through out the day, we want to be the calm within the storm, not the actual storm. Pick 3 words that resonate most with you and say them to yourself as you go through your day.

Reduce Stress

Yeah, yeah I know it’s impossible but at least start having boundaries. Say no to things that don’t feel good and ask for help. If you have a hard time setting boundaries you have to ask yourself why, there may be something from your past if you can’t say no or you feel bad when you speak up.

Create a morning routine

I love waking up before my household does, I journal, read and meditate to help me feel centered. Start a morning routine that makes you feel good and makes you want to jump out of bed. It doesn’t have to be long just some time for yourself so you don’t feel rushed and starting your morning off feeling out of alignment.

Find support and ask for help

If your hormones are all over the place speak to your doctor, you may need to look into hormone replacement. Find a group of women in your area or online that can support you, hire a counselor or life coach that can help you focus on what’s important.

Do things that make you happy

Write a list of 20 things that you love to do that makes you so happy. For instance your morning coffee, buying yourself flowers, listening to music or reading a good book. Try to incorporate as many of these as you can in your day to help you feel high vibe.

Release old goals that are no longer aligned with you

I see this a lot in my coaching practice, women who have old goals that make them feel stuck between their old and their new life that is calling to them. If you’ve had a goal for years but it no longer feels aligned with you, let it go, all you’re doing is holding yourself back and keeping yourself stuck. Embrace the new you that you’re becoming!

The most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone, so many women feel like they are going crazy. This is new territory for us, we have everything we’ve ever wanted, the relationship/marriage, kids, and work but we can also feel like we’re drowning because we are literally trying to do it all. We have the power to take back our lives and to feel the way we want to feel, it’s important and we need to do it!

Does your soul feel bankrupt? I wrote about this earlier this year, check out this blog post: What to do if your soul feels bankrupt

If this sounds like you and you would like help, I offer an introductory coaching call to help you get more clarity and to see if we’re a good fit, go to my Contact page to send me a message.

xo,

Kim

How to Step into Your Personal Power

Canva - Woman Stands on Brown Surface at Daytime.jpg

Are you ready to regain control over your life?

Are you tired of reacting to every little thing so that you feel exhausted and overwhelmed all the time?

Are you ready to know that being YOU is your superpower and that you can create everything that you desire?

What is personal power? There are many different definitions on the internet but my definition is the power you feel when you can handle anything in your life. It’s an unwavering belief that you can have, be and do anything that you desire. I believe personal power is the key for all the happiness, joy, abundance and success. I believe that it’s the key to creating everything that you want in your life.

How to Step into Your Personal Power

1. Think Bigger

Most people are only focused on what’s going on in the here and now. They focus on their problems, they’re stressing over their blessings, or they live in anxiety so worried about what hasn’t happened yet and may never happen. They are so wrapped up in their own drama or other people’s drama that they never think about what’s possible for them.

The most successful people know that you have to first envision it before you can create it. If you only see problems and negativity you will only get more of that. Start thinking about how you want your life to look and feel 5-10 years from now. We are the only creatures on this planet that have the power of imagination, use it to imagine a life that would make you so damn proud. Imagine doing work that feels meaningful and fulfilling, imagine making an impact and being incredibly abundant while doing it.

2. Understand YOU are Not Your Thoughts

We have something like 60,000 thoughts a day and most are from things we’ve picked up through our environment, life experiences, and a large majority of them are mental garbage. The negative thoughts we have tend to play on a loop in our mind, over and over, reminding us that we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not tall enough, not skinny enough, etc… When we realize these thoughts are not our own we can begin to plant thoughts in our mind that do align with us, we can chose more positive thoughts.

3. Use Your Emotions as a Guide

Thoughts + Feelings = Action

If you have negative thoughts and are constantly reacting to your life with negative feelings/emotions how do you think your action is going to look? You’re going to go through life with your head down, unhappy, depressed, feeling like everything is against you and in turn you will be attracting negativity everywhere you turn. We can use our emotions as guides, the worse we feel, the more negative our thoughts have been. When we start choosing better thoughts we will feel better.

4. Recognize Your Triggers and Patterns

Do you go around reacting to everything? Someone cuts you off on your commute to work and you get angry. Your kids don’t do what you told them to so you feel resentment and frustration. Your boss is on you about a project at work so you feel stressed and anxious. You check your bank account and immediately it makes you feel awful and like a failure.

What if you could learn what your triggers are and chose not to react? What if you could wake up with the intention for how you want to feel and all day you are actively choosing that feeling? You would feel more powerful, right? When we know what triggers us we have the power to not react in the way that we always have. If you start to notice in your life, we have patterns that replay on a loop just like the negative thoughts in our mind.

In a marriage, your spouse says that one thing in that tone that you hate and it sets you off. You begin to argue and before you know it, you’re arguing the same argument that you have every single time. How did you get there? It’s a pattern.

By choosing not to react in the first place you step into your personal power and you’re choosing how you want to feel instead of reacting to outside influences. Will you always have this amount of control? No, probably not at first because this is a learned practice. It has taken you years to create the pattern, it takes time to create a new one. Know that you may fail over and over again which brings us to the last key piece...

5. Self-Appreciation is the Key

I saved what I believe is the hardest for last. Do you love yourself? Do you tell yourself how awesome and smart you are? Do appreciate your curvy body? Do you look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are inside and out? Do you love yourself even when things aren’t working out for you?

Loving and appreciating ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. We are told from a young age everything that we’re doing wrong, all the ways we should be different, how we should try to fit in and conform, and years later we don’t even know who we are anymore. We have to know that loving and appreciating ourselves is the first step to personal power as it affects everything in our life.

I almost took this part out because it is so different for everyone but it matters and that is your connection with Source. You are a human body with a soul, an inner being that is pure positive energy. Your soul feels nothing but love for you and everything around you, the further away you are from what your soul feels about you, the worse you feel. Your soul is your connection with Source/God/Universe and you can tap into that connection at anytime. You find it in the quiet spaces of your mind when you are appreciating something or in meditation. This connection is where you will find your peace, creativity and joy.

Most people stumble through life not understanding their personal power. How amazing would it be if we stopped stumbling and became creators in our lives? You have to know that you have the power to choose how you want to feel and you have the ability to create your reality. Once you start on this journey your life will become more fulfilling and so much more fun!

Let me know in the comments, are you ready to step into your personal power?

xo,

Kim

P.S. If you need help creating a big vision for your life, download my Personal Power Workbook.

Are You on Your Own Hero's Journey?

The Hero’s Journey is defined by Wikipedia as a narrative that “involves a hero who goes on an adventure and in a decisive crisis wins a victory and then comes home changed or transformed.” Stories like this have been around forever, there are struggles and challenges but ultimately the hero or SHEro is able to overcome them and returns home as a new way of being, a new person.

This can also happen to us as we go through our own transformation, we feel a stirring in our heart to follow a different path, we feel like we are being guided in a different direction. We come to a crossroads - do we answer the call or continue living the same way?

My story of my own transformation is similar, I was coming off of the biggest year in my business I had accomplished everything I had wanted, every box had a check mark but I didn’t feel happy. Instead I felt burnt out and disillusioned, I started to ask, “Is this all there is just striving for successes?” Feeling happy for a moment when I hit a goal but then going right back down and never feeling fully joyful, happy and excited about my life.

I started to ask, “What is my purpose? What am I really here for?”

At first I didn’t answer the calling I tried to stuff it down, tuck it away but the calling kept getting louder. I can tell you from my own experience I felt lost, confused, frustrated, alone and sometimes even scared because I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Now I know these feelings are totally normal and we don’t have to go through this alone.

It’s much like the caterpillar who comes out as a butterfly, our one true purpose in life is to answer our soul’s calling, if we don’t listen we start to feel stuck, depressed, anxious and even disease can set in because we try to stuff all of our feelings into our bodies.

So the hero goes on this journey and goes through the trials and tribulations but in the process discovers his own personal power and his life is changed forever, he goes back to his life as a different person.

Are you on a hero’s journey?

Do you feel the calling of your soul to follow a different direction?

If you’re feeling like a lost caterpillar right now, it’s okay you’re not alone and you are not crazy, you could just be on your own transformational journey.

If you think you are, I would love to hear where you are in your journey and what you feel like the next step is for you, comment below or send me a message on my contact page!

xo,

Kim

Happiness Is Possible

life coach virginia beach

Let me know if this resonates with you, you set all of these goals for your relationships, weight loss, career and you tell yourself, “I’ll be happy when…(fill in the blank).”

For me it was…

I’ll be happy when I get married.

I’ll be happy when we have kids.

I’ll be happy when we buy a new house.

I’ll be happy when I have a successful business.

I thought if I worked hard enough and accomplished all of my goals I would finally deserve to feel happy. How f*cked up is that?!

Each time I’d hit a milestone I felt a sense of happiness but I just kept moving the goal post further back, withholding my happiness in the process. That was until I cracked, I hit burnout and I couldn’t keep going. I felt defeated, disillusioned (umm when am I actually suppose to feel happy damnit?!) and seriously feeling like I was lacking purpose in my life.

If I wasn’t going hard on my goals I didn’t know how to be anything but hustling and striving. When I started deep diving into personal development is when I realized that I had been doing it all wrong, withholding our happiness makes for a sad life.

Who we’re being is more important than what we’re doing.

So how can we feel happy now? Grace and gratitude are our secret weapons!

  • Every night before bed write down in your journal all of the things you're grateful for.

  • Write down a list of 25 things that make you happy (music, dancing, walking in nature, etc.) and try to do as many as possible each day.

  • Keep a journal of all of your good and bad feelings throughout the day and try to catch negative thoughts before they cause you to spiral by focusing on how you want to feel.

  • Stay focused on your vision while checking in with yourself and being present as much as possible.

Life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed so make feeling good your #1 priority and watch your life change!

Download my Personal Power Workbook to help you discover your vision and help you set goals with soul.

Have you dealt with withholding your happiness? Let me know in the comments!

Are you ready to join a community of like-minded women just like you? Come join my Inner Circle Facebook group.

xo,

Kim

When Your "Dream Job" Goes Bad

When Your Dream Job Goes Bad

I’m writing this with my freelance, service-based business owners in mind but if you’re a career gal this can work the same for you, it’s all the same process.

I’ve seen it happen so many times…

You set out to build your dream job, when you first started you were so excited to create your own schedule, set your own rates, maybe you had young children and you could work your schedule around them. It was the perfect job for you and and you were creating something beautiful.

Then 10 years goes by… you’ve become successful, you’re damn good at what you do but during this time somehow your “Dream Job” has now become your J.O.B. and not in the best way.

You feel frazzled, overwhelmed, you feel trapped. There’s no retirement fund, no 401K or insurance that keeps you there but it’s your business and it’s what you’re known for. On the outside you look successful, people respect you but there’s no movement, there’s no where to grow without adding more stress and more work. You’re burning the candles at both ends.

It’s not as much fun as you thought it would be, you can’t go on vacations or travel like you thought you could, maybe you’re missing your children’s activities or games because your schedule has you working all.the.time…You’re working your ass off like never before and you feel burnt out and stuck. YOU are your business and you’re missing out on your life.

So what do you do?

The first step is admitting how you really feel and then you need to work on getting clarity. I believe clarity is the answer for everything because when you know what you do want, then you know what you don’t want. When you’re honest with yourself you can create a plan and start moving in the right direction. Maybe you just need a mindset shift, you need to learn say “No” more and do more of the things that light you up.

Maybe it’s time to raise your rates so you can work less and make more money or it’s time to finally get the help you need and stop trying to do everything yourself. You also need to start creating a personal brand separate from your business, you don’t need different social media accounts but you do need to step out from behind your business.

If you need help getting clarity I encourage you to download my free workbook, you can download it here. You’ll receive my workbook straight to your inbox and once you complete it, I would love to hear from you in the comments. Did you have any “Aha” moments?

I’m putting together a blog post about creating a personal brand, I’ll let you know when I post on my blog but if you know you can’t wait until then I have several ways you can work with me, click here to find out more.

xo,

Kim

How to Manifest Anything You Want

How to Manifest Anything You Want

Most people live in a state of wanting what they want but being too terrified to go out and get it. Getting what you want requires doing things that feel uncomfortable by stepping outside your comfort zone and taking a leap of faith. The steps aren't difficult but they take focus and persistence.

The steps to getting anything you want in life are to:

1. Decide

You must first decide what you want, to be totally clear and to make the decision, nothing will happen if you don't commit to this first step.

2. Clear any blocks or fears

Once you make the decision you must clear any negative thoughts or feelings from blocking you. Write down your fears and the absolute worst things that would happen if things didn't work out. Mindfully address each fear and thank your fears for trying to protect you but that you are ready for the next step, like this... "Thank you fear of embarrassing myself in a video but I am going to be okay and I'm ready to take the next step."

3. Believe that it's possible

You must believe that it's possible to get what you want. If you decide that you want a Ferrari to appear in the next hour but you don't believe that it's possible, it'll never work out.

4. Take inspired action

Write down everything that needs to happen to get you what you want and all the ways to get you there. Figure out what the easiest thing is to do right now and start there. Everyday wake up feeling the excitement of getting closer to getting what you want and take the necessary action to get you there.

5. Stay positive

Fill you mind with positive thoughts, post pictures around you that will inspire you and will keep you focused. When negative thoughts creep in acknowledge them, thank them for showing up and send them on their way. Negative thoughts are just the way your mind tries to keep you safe and secure in your current space. If you feel that it's a reoccurring thought that is actually a block for you, try sitting down and exploring the thought. Ask yourself, "Is it true, is it helpful?" and if it's not then you have just faced a block head on and it will lose its power over you.

Rinse and repeat.

Download my workbook to help you manifest anything you want: Personal Power Workbook

If you have any questions or comments I would love to hear from you!

xo,

Kim