life coaching

My Interview with Yvonne DiVita of Nurturing Big Ideas

Thank you to Yvonne DiVita of Nurturing Big Ideas for having me on as a guest for her show, “Conversations with Smart Women”.

We had a great conversation about stepping into the next level version of yourself and how clarity leads to abundance and success.

If you would like to learn more about my coaching services please go to my Contact page.

To learn more about Yvonne and her services please go to her website.

xo,

Kim

How to Make Self-Care a Priority

How to Make Self-Care a Priority

Mothers and women in general are burnt the hell out, it’s a tired that no amount of sleep can cure, an emotional exhaustion that we can’t seem to crawl out of.

This conversation keeps showing up in my coaching sessions and in talking with friends, we’re at a breaking point but we don’t know how to stop it. They’re telling me in hushed whispers…

“I’m trying to do everything, I have no time to myself.”

“I’m exhausted and I lose my temper.”

“I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

You love your spouse, your kids, your life but you’re tapped out and you’re running on fumes. There’s nothing more to give but yet we keep pushing, waiting for the answer to our prayers of things to slow down, so we can stop feeling so damn stressed out and anxious all the time.

Self-care is a buzzword we hear a lot now but what does it really mean? The dictionary defines self-care as “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.” We can’t pour from an empty cup, we need to fill ours up first so we can be all that we need to be for the one’s that we love. Especially us mothers we tend to over give of ourselves but the people who love us need us to be happy, not perfect and that means taking care of ourselves.

Maybe that means something as simple as going to get a pedicure, taking a day to read a book and drink tea alone or going on a hike and being in nature… whatever it is, you get to define what self-care is for you.

Life coach in Virginia Beach

Here are some tips to help you make self-care a priority:

Be honest with yourself

It’s time to let go of the perfect facade. Who are you trying to impress when you over volunteer your time, say “Yes” to doing things you hate, or strive for perfection for your kid’s birthday party? We have to let go of perfection, shut down Pinterest for a minute and know that done is better than perfect. If you’re overextending yourself to please others and burning yourself out in the process, get use to saying “No” more and making yourself a priority. Find a group of women that you can be authentic and real with, these women are your tribe.

Establish boundaries

Minimize the time you spend with “energy vampires” basically the people who suck the energy from you. Set your intention for how you want to feel for the day when you first wake up and if something or someone is trying to pull you from feeling the way you want to feel, try to avoid spending as much time with them. Intentions that I often set for the day are to feel calm, connected and to have fun.

Ask for help

Maybe you need to hire a sitter or ask your family for help. You could have your groceries delivered, have someone clean your house, whatever you can do to take some things off your plate so you don’t feel so overwhelmed. We can not nor should we try to do all the things by ourselves, ask for help when you need it and try to ask before you feel the overwhelm as it’s harder to shift out of when you’re in it, with an overflowing calendar of responsibilities.

Make a happy list

Have a list of 20 or more things that you love to do that make you feel seriously happy. This could be listening to you favorite music, dancing in the kitchen while making your kid’s lunches, spending quiet time meditating for a few minutes each day or going to a dance class. This is your list of the things that bring you the most joy, refer to this list often and incorporate as many as you can each day.

Schedule it

If it’s not in the calendar, it’s not going to happen! We are busy and we often put others before ourselves so we have to schedule our self-care time just like everything else. Putting ourselves first is hard and can bring up negative feelings. Let yourself feel them, maybe write them down in your journal and think back to a time when you were told or shown that in order to be liked you had to be everything to everyone or you aren’t a good mother unless you’re running yourself ragged.

Let me know in the comments, are you feeling burnt out? If you currently have a self-care practice and are making it a priority in your life, share with us in the comments.

If you’re feeling the burn and want more help contact me to set up a coaching session, I can help you work through your feelings and give you tools to minimize the stress and anxiety that you’re feeling so you can feel happier and more fulfilled in your life.

xo,

Kim

Image credit: Djordje Petrovic via Canva

Featured on Enlightenedhood Podcast

Life Coach Virginia Beach Podcast.png

I’ve been featured on the Enlightenhood podcast talking about motherhood, mindfulness and staying sane while raising kids and running businesses. 

Go to iTunes to listen and let me know in the comments if you got any “Aha” moments from listening!

xo,

Kim

Overcoming Your Triggers

Life Coach in Virginia Beach

Confession, I use to be a cabinet slammer.

My husband and I have been together for 21 years (minus the 6 months we broke up when I was 21) so we’ve gotten really good at knowing just the right thing to say, in the right tone, to really piss each other off.

I use to react to everything and sometimes with so much anger I scared myself! It took me many, many years of slamming and screaming to realize I could let the words pass and I didn’t have to react anymore.

I started to recognize the pattern, everything would be good for awhile but then something would set one of us off, we’d fight, play the silent treatment game and make up, only to repeat the pattern again a few weeks later.

In Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment “ he says, the pain-body is an “accumulated pain that occupies your body and mind. Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken…even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it.”

Most of the time it’s a learned pattern from our childhood that we repeat in our own lives to be passed down through our children. Once I realized I had a choice to not react, I would even acknowledge out loud, “I know you’re trying to trigger me and I’m not going to let you.”

I had to look at myself as well, what were the things that I said that I knew would cause a fight? I had to catch myself, let the words sit on my tongue for a minute before saying them because I knew if I said them it would be game on.

This has made such a difference in our marriage. Obviously no marriage is perfect and these old habits are hard to break but we’ve gotten so much more aware, even our kids say “Oh you’re triggered!” Start to pay attention to the patterns in your relationships, notice what sets you and others off. Learn to think before you speak.

My main goal is to stay in alignment, a state of feeling good. Being angry and resentful isn’t aligned with me and my core values, its a terrible way to live and affects our children immensely. The good news is you are not doomed to repeat the patterns for the rest of your life but it does take some time and self-awareness. Our happiness can not depend on others acting or being a certain way, we have to find our own alignment and use it as a beacon to guide us.

Notice the next time you feel triggered about something, what were the words and tone the person used? What memories or feelings did it bring up for you? This is a good time to have your journal nearby, learn to write about your feelings instead of always reacting and repeating patterns that no longer serve you.

Have you been living in a state of reaction? Are you ready for change? Let us know in the comments.

xo,

Kim

Are You on Your Own Hero's Journey?

The Hero’s Journey is defined by Wikipedia as a narrative that “involves a hero who goes on an adventure and in a decisive crisis wins a victory and then comes home changed or transformed.” Stories like this have been around forever, there are struggles and challenges but ultimately the hero or SHEro is able to overcome them and returns home as a new way of being, a new person.

This can also happen to us as we go through our own transformation, we feel a stirring in our heart to follow a different path, we feel like we are being guided in a different direction. We come to a crossroads - do we answer the call or continue living the same way?

My story of my own transformation is similar, I was coming off of the biggest year in my business I had accomplished everything I had wanted, every box had a check mark but I didn’t feel happy. Instead I felt burnt out and disillusioned, I started to ask, “Is this all there is just striving for successes?” Feeling happy for a moment when I hit a goal but then going right back down and never feeling fully joyful, happy and excited about my life.

I started to ask, “What is my purpose? What am I really here for?”

At first I didn’t answer the calling I tried to stuff it down, tuck it away but the calling kept getting louder. I can tell you from my own experience I felt lost, confused, frustrated, alone and sometimes even scared because I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Now I know these feelings are totally normal and we don’t have to go through this alone.

It’s much like the caterpillar who comes out as a butterfly, our one true purpose in life is to answer our soul’s calling, if we don’t listen we start to feel stuck, depressed, anxious and even disease can set in because we try to stuff all of our feelings into our bodies.

So the hero goes on this journey and goes through the trials and tribulations but in the process discovers his own personal power and his life is changed forever, he goes back to his life as a different person.

Are you on a hero’s journey?

Do you feel the calling of your soul to follow a different direction?

If you’re feeling like a lost caterpillar right now, it’s okay you’re not alone and you are not crazy, you could just be on your own transformational journey.

If you think you are, I would love to hear where you are in your journey and what you feel like the next step is for you, comment below or send me a message on my contact page!

xo,

Kim

How to Find Your Purpose

life coach virginia beach

This age old question that has been asked since the beginning of time …how do I know what my purpose is?

So many people have no idea or worry they’re going to get it wrong, so instead of making the wrong choice, they don’t pursue any choices.

Your purpose is what you say it is, it’s what lights you up and makes you feel happy, that’s it!. No light comes down from the heavens to bestow upon you your purpose in life, you find it by trying different things.

Most people get tripped up because they think they have to make a job out of their purpose and although I’m a big fan of turning your purpose into profit, that’s not always the case. Sometimes your purpose is what gives your life meaning, fulfillment and fun. You’ll get more enjoyment from your life and share your joy with others…that doesn’t sound so bad, right?

So how do we know what our purpose is? Let’s explore by asking yourself these questions:

What do you love to do for hours without getting bored or tired?

What are you naturally good at, what comes easily to you?

What would you do for free?

What did you love to do as a child?

What do people often ask or come to you for?

One of the things that I love to do is reading but I wouldn’t want to make a job out of reading as that would take the fun out of it for me. Another purpose of mine is helping women connect to their purpose, now that is something I can make a business out of and makes my life more fulfilling!

Pay attention to when you feel the most joy and happiness. If you haven’t felt that way in a long time, ask yourself the questions to finding your purpose, they will not steer you wrong.

Let me know in the comments, do you know your purpose or are you in search of it?

xo,

Kim

My Interview with Lyndsey Johnson of GrowthVine

life coach virginia beach

I was recently interviewed by Lyndsey Johnson of GrowthVine for her women overcoming challenges series.

Lyndsey said, “Fantastic interview with Kim today where we talked about how to stop that speeding train when you want to pivot your business and get out of one that is misaligned!”

See the interview on Facebook!

xo,

Kim

Mothers, is it possible to be wildly successful while raising children?

life coach virginia beach

In a span of 2 days a friend posted on Instagram that work/life balance is hard as hell with her newborn baby, I read a post on Facebook from a woman looking for role models of inspiring, successful mothers because she needed some hope, my coaching client was struggling to balance her high level career and motherhood, and I wrote in my journal after a rough day at home with my sick toddler…

“Is this it, my f*cking life is made up of cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking and few professional successes in between? Is this really it, it doesn’t get any better than this? I’m tired, I feel like I’m being buried alive. I only feel like myself when I’m working.”

The truth is this shit is hard as hell.

I feel like mothers can be broken down into 3 stages:

Infant stage- “WTF why didn’t anyone tell me it would be this hard?”

Elementary age- “Who am I again?”

High school age- “I would give anything to squeeze their squishy toddler cheeks again.”

If you’re in the first 2 stages, I wrote this for you. So the question is, can I live in my purpose, excel at being my highest self while still being a great mother, is this at all possible?

Although I can’t say I have it all figured out and I don’t lose my mind at least once a week, I have realized with a 13, 10, and 2 year old (the last being our bonus baby) is that life goes in seasons and even if this one feels hard and overwhelming a new season is coming. I don’t believe that work/life balance is possible but that in some seasons things will get more focus than others and that’s okay.

What does being a successful mom and entrepreneur look like for you?

First, define what “success” means to you. If success for you means living in a perfectly clean home with healthy dinners on the table every night you may want to hire someone to help you. In our house we are currently doing all.the.things. and some night’s it’s fast food especially during the kids’ sports season, we do what we can, the best we can, we’ve got to let go of that mom guilt it will eat us alive.

If you’re currently doing all.the.things. too try to relax into the chaos because kids come with some major shit! There’s never a time when there aren’t toys all over my house but having two older kids I also realize that the toys will not always be here. As the kids get older the toys get smaller and then non-existent, so as I look around at the baby dolls and play food I try to relax knowing that this will not last forever.

What happens when all the plates go crashing down?

We give ourselves grace, we’re human, not robots. We need to take care of ourselves first (yes I said first) before we give everything we have away and are going to be good for no one. Take time to exercise, have a personal care routine even if that means a 5 minute makeup routine putting it on in the car after you buckle the kids in. Give yourself some time to walk around Target alone, do what you need to do to feel whole and complete. Ask for help when you need it, that is self-care.

Show up as the role model that you are.

I believe that we’re doing our children a huge service by showing them how much we love our work, what it means to be passionate and driven. They will see us typing away at night when the rest of the house is asleep, they hear us on podcasts and see us writing our books and they know that there is possibility out there in the world for them, we are showing them what’s possible.

We would lay down our own lives to save theirs but do we have to lose ourselves completely?

Know that you’re not alone, there are so many of us that feel this way, we do what we can with the season we’re in. Keep your focus on who you want to become and let it pull you forward even when it seems easier to give up. Reach out, ask for help, find a community of women that can support you when you feel like you can’t go on. We’re all in this together, raising children and the consciousness of the planet, this is no small feat so be patient, be kind and love yourself while giving them all that you can!

If you know someone who would like this article, please share it with them!

xo,

Kim

Happiness Is Possible

life coach virginia beach

Let me know if this resonates with you, you set all of these goals for your relationships, weight loss, career and you tell yourself, “I’ll be happy when…(fill in the blank).”

For me it was…

I’ll be happy when I get married.

I’ll be happy when we have kids.

I’ll be happy when we buy a new house.

I’ll be happy when I have a successful business.

I thought if I worked hard enough and accomplished all of my goals I would finally deserve to feel happy. How f*cked up is that?!

Each time I’d hit a milestone I felt a sense of happiness but I just kept moving the goal post further back, withholding my happiness in the process. That was until I cracked, I hit burnout and I couldn’t keep going. I felt defeated, disillusioned (umm when am I actually suppose to feel happy damnit?!) and seriously feeling like I was lacking purpose in my life.

If I wasn’t going hard on my goals I didn’t know how to be anything but hustling and striving. When I started deep diving into personal development is when I realized that I had been doing it all wrong, withholding our happiness makes for a sad life.

Who we’re being is more important than what we’re doing.

So how can we feel happy now? Grace and gratitude are our secret weapons!

  • Every night before bed write down in your journal all of the things you're grateful for.

  • Write down a list of 25 things that make you happy (music, dancing, walking in nature, etc.) and try to do as many as possible each day.

  • Keep a journal of all of your good and bad feelings throughout the day and try to catch negative thoughts before they cause you to spiral by focusing on how you want to feel.

  • Stay focused on your vision while checking in with yourself and being present as much as possible.

Life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed so make feeling good your #1 priority and watch your life change!

Download my Personal Power Workbook to help you discover your vision and help you set goals with soul.

Have you dealt with withholding your happiness? Let me know in the comments!

Are you ready to join a community of like-minded women just like you? Come join my Inner Circle Facebook group.

xo,

Kim