life coach

My Interview with Yvonne DiVita of Nurturing Big Ideas

Thank you to Yvonne DiVita of Nurturing Big Ideas for having me on as a guest for her show, “Conversations with Smart Women”.

We had a great conversation about stepping into the next level version of yourself and how clarity leads to abundance and success.

If you would like to learn more about my coaching services please go to my Contact page.

To learn more about Yvonne and her services please go to her website.

xo,

Kim

How to Make Self-Care a Priority

How to Make Self-Care a Priority

Mothers and women in general are burnt the hell out, it’s a tired that no amount of sleep can cure, an emotional exhaustion that we can’t seem to crawl out of.

This conversation keeps showing up in my coaching sessions and in talking with friends, we’re at a breaking point but we don’t know how to stop it. They’re telling me in hushed whispers…

“I’m trying to do everything, I have no time to myself.”

“I’m exhausted and I lose my temper.”

“I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

You love your spouse, your kids, your life but you’re tapped out and you’re running on fumes. There’s nothing more to give but yet we keep pushing, waiting for the answer to our prayers of things to slow down, so we can stop feeling so damn stressed out and anxious all the time.

Self-care is a buzzword we hear a lot now but what does it really mean? The dictionary defines self-care as “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.” We can’t pour from an empty cup, we need to fill ours up first so we can be all that we need to be for the one’s that we love. Especially us mothers we tend to over give of ourselves but the people who love us need us to be happy, not perfect and that means taking care of ourselves.

Maybe that means something as simple as going to get a pedicure, taking a day to read a book and drink tea alone or going on a hike and being in nature… whatever it is, you get to define what self-care is for you.

Life coach in Virginia Beach

Here are some tips to help you make self-care a priority:

Be honest with yourself

It’s time to let go of the perfect facade. Who are you trying to impress when you over volunteer your time, say “Yes” to doing things you hate, or strive for perfection for your kid’s birthday party? We have to let go of perfection, shut down Pinterest for a minute and know that done is better than perfect. If you’re overextending yourself to please others and burning yourself out in the process, get use to saying “No” more and making yourself a priority. Find a group of women that you can be authentic and real with, these women are your tribe.

Establish boundaries

Minimize the time you spend with “energy vampires” basically the people who suck the energy from you. Set your intention for how you want to feel for the day when you first wake up and if something or someone is trying to pull you from feeling the way you want to feel, try to avoid spending as much time with them. Intentions that I often set for the day are to feel calm, connected and to have fun.

Ask for help

Maybe you need to hire a sitter or ask your family for help. You could have your groceries delivered, have someone clean your house, whatever you can do to take some things off your plate so you don’t feel so overwhelmed. We can not nor should we try to do all the things by ourselves, ask for help when you need it and try to ask before you feel the overwhelm as it’s harder to shift out of when you’re in it, with an overflowing calendar of responsibilities.

Make a happy list

Have a list of 20 or more things that you love to do that make you feel seriously happy. This could be listening to you favorite music, dancing in the kitchen while making your kid’s lunches, spending quiet time meditating for a few minutes each day or going to a dance class. This is your list of the things that bring you the most joy, refer to this list often and incorporate as many as you can each day.

Schedule it

If it’s not in the calendar, it’s not going to happen! We are busy and we often put others before ourselves so we have to schedule our self-care time just like everything else. Putting ourselves first is hard and can bring up negative feelings. Let yourself feel them, maybe write them down in your journal and think back to a time when you were told or shown that in order to be liked you had to be everything to everyone or you aren’t a good mother unless you’re running yourself ragged.

Let me know in the comments, are you feeling burnt out? If you currently have a self-care practice and are making it a priority in your life, share with us in the comments.

If you’re feeling the burn and want more help contact me to set up a coaching session, I can help you work through your feelings and give you tools to minimize the stress and anxiety that you’re feeling so you can feel happier and more fulfilled in your life.

xo,

Kim

Image credit: Djordje Petrovic via Canva

My Coaching Space

life coach office space
 
life coaching office space

Who says coaching spaces have to be plain and nature sounds playing in the background?!

I’m not your typical life coach and neither is my space. My space is beautiful, bright and inviting and is the perfect space for us to meet for consultations and in person coaching sessions!

My coaching style is a little bit different, I work as a transformational coach which is different than traditional therapy and goes deeper than typical life coaching.

Traditional therapy works with past trauma, diagnosing and treating mental illnesses.

Life coaching works with defining goals and creating a plan of action to help you get there.

Transformational coaching helps you define what you want and uncover the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. I believe this is the way to see results faster and with more lasting results than if we just worked with your goals alone.

In order to get to the next level version of ourselves we have to understand what’s holding us back. Is it procrastination, lack of confidence, a past money story? In business and career, are you afraid of showing up and being seen? Do you not feel worthy and valuable?

In my coaching sessions I’ve been able to help women get unstuck, re-ignite their passion, and feel more confident. I give you the tools to continue your growth long after our coaching sessions are finished because our growth and expansion never ends.

Have you ever heard of the saying, “new level, new devil”? It’s true, to become the most successful and happy version of ourselves we have to know that the “devil” is our own mind. It can work against us and hold us back from everything we desire if we don’t know how to take control of it and make it work for us.

It is my passion and mission to help women become the best version of themselves. If you would like to book a consultation with me over the phone or in person go to my Contact page!

xo,

Kim

Overcoming Your Triggers

Life Coach in Virginia Beach

Confession, I use to be a cabinet slammer.

My husband and I have been together for 21 years (minus the 6 months we broke up when I was 21) so we’ve gotten really good at knowing just the right thing to say, in the right tone, to really piss each other off.

I use to react to everything and sometimes with so much anger I scared myself! It took me many, many years of slamming and screaming to realize I could let the words pass and I didn’t have to react anymore.

I started to recognize the pattern, everything would be good for awhile but then something would set one of us off, we’d fight, play the silent treatment game and make up, only to repeat the pattern again a few weeks later.

In Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment “ he says, the pain-body is an “accumulated pain that occupies your body and mind. Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken…even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it.”

Most of the time it’s a learned pattern from our childhood that we repeat in our own lives to be passed down through our children. Once I realized I had a choice to not react, I would even acknowledge out loud, “I know you’re trying to trigger me and I’m not going to let you.”

I had to look at myself as well, what were the things that I said that I knew would cause a fight? I had to catch myself, let the words sit on my tongue for a minute before saying them because I knew if I said them it would be game on.

This has made such a difference in our marriage. Obviously no marriage is perfect and these old habits are hard to break but we’ve gotten so much more aware, even our kids say “Oh you’re triggered!” Start to pay attention to the patterns in your relationships, notice what sets you and others off. Learn to think before you speak.

My main goal is to stay in alignment, a state of feeling good. Being angry and resentful isn’t aligned with me and my core values, its a terrible way to live and affects our children immensely. The good news is you are not doomed to repeat the patterns for the rest of your life but it does take some time and self-awareness. Our happiness can not depend on others acting or being a certain way, we have to find our own alignment and use it as a beacon to guide us.

Notice the next time you feel triggered about something, what were the words and tone the person used? What memories or feelings did it bring up for you? This is a good time to have your journal nearby, learn to write about your feelings instead of always reacting and repeating patterns that no longer serve you.

Have you been living in a state of reaction? Are you ready for change? Let us know in the comments.

xo,

Kim

Are You on Your Own Hero's Journey?

The Hero’s Journey is defined by Wikipedia as a narrative that “involves a hero who goes on an adventure and in a decisive crisis wins a victory and then comes home changed or transformed.” Stories like this have been around forever, there are struggles and challenges but ultimately the hero or SHEro is able to overcome them and returns home as a new way of being, a new person.

This can also happen to us as we go through our own transformation, we feel a stirring in our heart to follow a different path, we feel like we are being guided in a different direction. We come to a crossroads - do we answer the call or continue living the same way?

My story of my own transformation is similar, I was coming off of the biggest year in my business I had accomplished everything I had wanted, every box had a check mark but I didn’t feel happy. Instead I felt burnt out and disillusioned, I started to ask, “Is this all there is just striving for successes?” Feeling happy for a moment when I hit a goal but then going right back down and never feeling fully joyful, happy and excited about my life.

I started to ask, “What is my purpose? What am I really here for?”

At first I didn’t answer the calling I tried to stuff it down, tuck it away but the calling kept getting louder. I can tell you from my own experience I felt lost, confused, frustrated, alone and sometimes even scared because I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Now I know these feelings are totally normal and we don’t have to go through this alone.

It’s much like the caterpillar who comes out as a butterfly, our one true purpose in life is to answer our soul’s calling, if we don’t listen we start to feel stuck, depressed, anxious and even disease can set in because we try to stuff all of our feelings into our bodies.

So the hero goes on this journey and goes through the trials and tribulations but in the process discovers his own personal power and his life is changed forever, he goes back to his life as a different person.

Are you on a hero’s journey?

Do you feel the calling of your soul to follow a different direction?

If you’re feeling like a lost caterpillar right now, it’s okay you’re not alone and you are not crazy, you could just be on your own transformational journey.

If you think you are, I would love to hear where you are in your journey and what you feel like the next step is for you, comment below or send me a message on my contact page!

xo,

Kim

How to Get Unstuck

life coach virginia beach

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut? This happens to all of us at some point and it can feel so frustrating, like you have no idea how to get out of it.

I’m sharing my 3 tips to help you get out of feeling stuck, take some time to answer the questions, you may want to get out your journal or notebook.

1. Remember why you started

When you started on this journey however many years ago, what were you hoping to achieve?

What did you want your life to look like?

Who did you want to help and why?

Remembering why you started will take you back to the time that everything felt fresh and new, you felt excited about the journey ahead of you. Give yourself time to reflect on who you were at that time and what you envisioned your life and career would look like.

2. Write down all of your achievements

What are you proud of?

All of the things that you’re proud of write them down and as you’re writing them really feel each and every one of them, let yourself relive the experience. Often times we blow right past our achievements and only focus on the lack or negative aspects in our lives. Give yourself time to relish in the great things that have happened in your life and career.

3. Keep your focus on where you’re headed

What do you want to accomplish in the future?

How do you want to feel moving forward?

Who are you helping and how?

Many times when we feel stuck it’s because we’re in a transition period from one level to the next level. We look at our current circumstances and surroundings, we feel like things aren’t the way we want them to be or they aren’t moving as fast as we want them to, this can leave us feeling frustrated and sometimes even resentful. Keep your focus on where you’re headed while feeling gratitude for where you are currently, knowing that all that you want is on it’s way to you now.

I would love to hear from you, did you find these tips and journal prompts helpful? The key to getting unstuck is to not stay there too long and know that you’re not alone! If you need more help with clarity download my free workbook here.

xo,

Kim

What to do if your soul feels bankrupt

Blog Bankrupt Soul.png

If your soul has been feeling bankrupt, first of all know that you’re not alone and there are ways to fill ourselves back up that doesn’t take a trip around the world or escaping to a cabin alone in the woods. We have to start thinking of ourselves and our happiness first.

The definition of alignment is “the act of feeling good” and when we realize that our one purpose in life is to feel as good as possible and that’s it, life becomes easier and the world becomes brighter.

You’re giving from an empty cup

If you’re trying to be everything to everybody you’re not putting yourself first. We’re taught from a young age as women to put others before ourselves but when we do that we’re ignoring our own needs. Self-care should be a #1 priority on our list and each person is different one may love some quiet time to read, another may love a long hot bath, another going for a hike and being in nature. Find what makes you happy and do more of that!

You’re working for a paycheck

When we’re working for a paycheck it’s never going to be enough because there isn’t enough money in the world to fill up our empty souls.

I get it we all need to make money to live but if your job doesn’t fill your soul, find something that does and do that thing on the weekends or whenever you have free time. We fill our schedules up so full with our lives and our kids we barely give ourselves time to do what we really love doing, that thing that sets our soul on fire and feels like magic. That’s life giving energy and it’s powerful, don’t ignore it.

You’re ignoring the whispers

You feel it… the discomfort, the feeling of being lost and disconnected. When was the last time you asked yourself what you really wanted?

Oprah says, "I say the universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers. And a whisper in your life usually feels like 'hmm, that's odd.' Or, 'hmm, that doesn't make any sense.' Or, 'hmm, is that right?' It's that subtle. And if you don't pay attention to the whisper, it gets louder and louder and louder. I say it's like getting thumped upside the head. If you don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that—the brick wall falls down. That is the pattern that I see in my life and so many other people's lives. And so, I ask people, 'What are the whispers? What's whispering to you now?'"

You’re dying for connection

When we’re trying to do this all on our own we don’t share our pain and we don’t dare tell anyone because we must look like we have it all together, all the time. How would our perfect Facebook and Instagram lives look if we told people how we’re really feeling?

Talk to people who will lift you up, not judge you or make you feel bad. One of the biggest misconceptions is that if I admit that I’m not happy then it must be my husband or partner or something specific but that’s not always the case. The stories I hear most are from women who have so much happiness and joy in their lives but they can’t feel it, they feel so disconnected from themselves.

Another option is to hire someone who can help you find your clarity, to remember who you are and can help you to create a path to your happiness and feeling fulfilled. If you think we might be a good fit reach out, you can go to my Contact page to send me a direct message.

I would love to hear from you, leave me a comment below if this resonated with you!

xo,

Kim