happiness

Overcoming Your Triggers

Life Coach in Virginia Beach

Confession, I use to be a cabinet slammer.

My husband and I have been together for 21 years (minus the 6 months we broke up when I was 21) so we’ve gotten really good at knowing just the right thing to say, in the right tone, to really piss each other off.

I use to react to everything and sometimes with so much anger I scared myself! It took me many, many years of slamming and screaming to realize I could let the words pass and I didn’t have to react anymore.

I started to recognize the pattern, everything would be good for awhile but then something would set one of us off, we’d fight, play the silent treatment game and make up, only to repeat the pattern again a few weeks later.

In Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment “ he says, the pain-body is an “accumulated pain that occupies your body and mind. Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken…even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it.”

Most of the time it’s a learned pattern from our childhood that we repeat in our own lives to be passed down through our children. Once I realized I had a choice to not react, I would even acknowledge out loud, “I know you’re trying to trigger me and I’m not going to let you.”

I had to look at myself as well, what were the things that I said that I knew would cause a fight? I had to catch myself, let the words sit on my tongue for a minute before saying them because I knew if I said them it would be game on.

This has made such a difference in our marriage. Obviously no marriage is perfect and these old habits are hard to break but we’ve gotten so much more aware, even our kids say “Oh you’re triggered!” Start to pay attention to the patterns in your relationships, notice what sets you and others off. Learn to think before you speak.

My main goal is to stay in alignment, a state of feeling good. Being angry and resentful isn’t aligned with me and my core values, its a terrible way to live and affects our children immensely. The good news is you are not doomed to repeat the patterns for the rest of your life but it does take some time and self-awareness. Our happiness can not depend on others acting or being a certain way, we have to find our own alignment and use it as a beacon to guide us.

Notice the next time you feel triggered about something, what were the words and tone the person used? What memories or feelings did it bring up for you? This is a good time to have your journal nearby, learn to write about your feelings instead of always reacting and repeating patterns that no longer serve you.

Have you been living in a state of reaction? Are you ready for change? Let us know in the comments.

xo,

Kim

What to do if your soul feels bankrupt

Blog Bankrupt Soul.png

If your soul has been feeling bankrupt, first of all know that you’re not alone and there are ways to fill ourselves back up that doesn’t take a trip around the world or escaping to a cabin alone in the woods. We have to start thinking of ourselves and our happiness first.

The definition of alignment is “the act of feeling good” and when we realize that our one purpose in life is to feel as good as possible and that’s it, life becomes easier and the world becomes brighter.

You’re giving from an empty cup

If you’re trying to be everything to everybody you’re not putting yourself first. We’re taught from a young age as women to put others before ourselves but when we do that we’re ignoring our own needs. Self-care should be a #1 priority on our list and each person is different one may love some quiet time to read, another may love a long hot bath, another going for a hike and being in nature. Find what makes you happy and do more of that!

You’re working for a paycheck

When we’re working for a paycheck it’s never going to be enough because there isn’t enough money in the world to fill up our empty souls.

I get it we all need to make money to live but if your job doesn’t fill your soul, find something that does and do that thing on the weekends or whenever you have free time. We fill our schedules up so full with our lives and our kids we barely give ourselves time to do what we really love doing, that thing that sets our soul on fire and feels like magic. That’s life giving energy and it’s powerful, don’t ignore it.

You’re ignoring the whispers

You feel it… the discomfort, the feeling of being lost and disconnected. When was the last time you asked yourself what you really wanted?

Oprah says, "I say the universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers. And a whisper in your life usually feels like 'hmm, that's odd.' Or, 'hmm, that doesn't make any sense.' Or, 'hmm, is that right?' It's that subtle. And if you don't pay attention to the whisper, it gets louder and louder and louder. I say it's like getting thumped upside the head. If you don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that—the brick wall falls down. That is the pattern that I see in my life and so many other people's lives. And so, I ask people, 'What are the whispers? What's whispering to you now?'"

You’re dying for connection

When we’re trying to do this all on our own we don’t share our pain and we don’t dare tell anyone because we must look like we have it all together, all the time. How would our perfect Facebook and Instagram lives look if we told people how we’re really feeling?

Talk to people who will lift you up, not judge you or make you feel bad. One of the biggest misconceptions is that if I admit that I’m not happy then it must be my husband or partner or something specific but that’s not always the case. The stories I hear most are from women who have so much happiness and joy in their lives but they can’t feel it, they feel so disconnected from themselves.

Another option is to hire someone who can help you find your clarity, to remember who you are and can help you to create a path to your happiness and feeling fulfilled. If you think we might be a good fit reach out, you can go to my Contact page to send me a direct message.

I would love to hear from you, leave me a comment below if this resonated with you!

xo,

Kim