How can you get everything you've ever wanted in life and still not be happy?
In short, from the outside looking in, my life can be summed up by a series of check marks:
✔ Married to a great guy
✔ Three beautiful, smart, healthy kids
✔ House in our target neighborhood that exactly matched our criteria
✔ Successful business
It's the last one that really got me... you know marriage and children are going to be hard and you constantly have to work at it. But once I set my sights on building a successful business, I thought for sure that would bring me the fulfillment that I was so desperately searching for.
I was "successful" after accomplishing all of my goals in just a few short years but I didn't feel successful. I constantly felt frazzled, I had gained weight, and I was putting my health and my relationships on the back burner. I was trying to do way too much, I was saying "yes" to projects for fear that they wouldn't like me if I said "no" or that I would be easily replaced and never asked again. I was on a fast moving train and I had no idea how to get off of it. How could I possibly admit that I was unhappy when I was doing exactly what I said I wanted to do? It was only after finding out that I was pregnant with our third and *surprise* baby that I was able to really look at my life and get some perspective.
"If you had asked me why I wanted to start my own business I would have said freedom but I looked around at my life and I felt everything but free."
I had nailed the vision & goal setting part of my life but I had missed something, I was missing the feeling that I wanted to feel once I had accomplished those goals. I thought I would magically feel happy and fulfilled but the truth is you have to start full to feel full. The accomplishments and resume highlights are great (Hello, Secret Service and VP candidate, I mean as a makeup artist that looks pretty good on the 'ol resume!) but they are fleeting, that high flying feeling of "success" doesn't last long.
So how do you avoid the life crisis of realizing you are not happy even after you've gotten everything you've ever dreamed of?
First ask yourself these questions...
What do I want?
How do I want to feel when I get it?
How can I create that feeling now and use it as a guide to getting what I want?
I know that so many other people feel the same way and I especially hear it from women. They send me messages, they tell me sitting in my makeup chair, and they whisper their dreams to me over a few glasses of wine. What we want is clarity, we want fulfillment, we want to feel like we are living our purpose but not having to sacrifice what we value the most... our family, friends, and our health, to get it. We don't have to settle for a simple life, we can have a life of abundance and adventure and whatever else we want, but it starts with getting clear on our values and the feelings that we want to feel and letting them be our guides.
I would love to hear from you, let me know what you think in the comments!